Thursday, November 20, 2008


As I study the world, the bible and a whole host of other of my realities I often wonder how the world can be so unfair. For the last 12 months we have heard nothing but RECESSION AND DEPRESSION, two words so subjective that even the economists often seem tongue-tied when trying to sum it up.

One thing is for certain. There are people in Darfur DYING right now and we still have enough money to stop it. We still have enough money to feed everyone and most of us still have plenty to eat. So, the question we need to ask ourselves is - why are we all still locked in a self-pity depression and wake up to the fact that, even if we are going through hard times we must realize that most of the world struggle on a daily basis, in far worse conditions that we could ever fathom. Are they in a recession? Are they in a depression? Do we care?

We cannot continue to break the Humanity Law and expect to be compensated. Christians especially need to go to the bathroom and take a GOOD LOOK IN OUR MIRRORS because Jesus and God never wanted us to have 2 cars, 2 houses and a 401 K, at least they never mentioned such a thing in the Bible.
It did mention over and over -

'Do not Worry',
'those who want to save their lives would have to lose it'.

Anyway - 'To thy own self be true'.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


QUESTION - What wall?.
ANSWER - The Wall that Jesus brings us through.

There is a snapping point in everyone's journey through the recovery of addiction. There is a moment in life when we need power that we can actually feel. There comes a day when so many of us need a deeper peace, understanding and hope than we have had in the past. 'The Holy Spirit High' is what I call it. A sense that all is going to be perfectly fine, that trials and tribulations may come, but as long as Jesus is with me, I can go through them all, one day at a time, without the need to turn back and ask the devil for his drugs. Addiction is the Devil, no doubt about it. To recover one must have the faith that the future will undoubtedly be much better than our past. That God has a new life for us, a new day, a fresh way of thinking, a healthier way of feeling, a more optimistic way of evaluating our situations.

'The King of Lies' has no good intentions for you. He is waiting for you to return to him in whatever addiction he can insert into your soul. He loves Misery in the program because that generates hopelessness. And there is nothing more evident in a person who wants to go back and use than the aura of a hopeless heart. We need to place ALL of our hope in Jesus. We need to place ALL of our faith in Jess. Or else we will place ALL of our being in Satan's dirty hands.

Monday, November 17, 2008


Twelve Steps

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


Alcoholics and Addicts need the 12 Steps on a daily basis for the rest of their natural lives, this is the great fact – this is reality. One hears a terrible amount of opinions on this issue, but the evidence is there for everyone to see. Statements like - 'I need to feel things'
'Put yourself first when it comes to Step 8' , 'Be good to yourself' , 'Wait two years to do the Steps' do nobody any good. God is always kind but tough on us and we need to take the same attitude when it comes to our own sobriety. There is a Fellowship book somewhere(an instructions manual so to speak). Like all such books, it has a tendency to be far more accurate than any addict or alcoholic sitting in the seat next to you. Even if one doesn't agree to all the principles of it - one must admit that it is, in essence, the only real shot at peace that one has left. Alcohol and Addictions are, by their very nature, killers. Self-delusion and dishonesty are its main forms of food. It likes a bit of defiance and resentment for starters, then it works on a bit of pride and anger - and finally, after layers of misery, it washes you down with A HIT. Be honest. Do the program - do it the hard way, the only way. And get it out of the way so you can have an amazing life.

Sunday, November 16, 2008


The power of identification both in life and in spiritual matters must not be under-estimated. Jesus became flesh, man, human in order for him to save us from our sins, but the fact that he faced what we faced, walked where we walked, suffered much more than we ever could gives me a bond to him that is stronger because of it.

One of the main reasons Christianity appealS to me, is its graceful nature. One doesn't have to do much to become part of the Christian Family, in fact, there is much be received, less to give, all to gain. 

Jesus suffered for us , he tells us to 'Lay the heavy burden on him', those entities internally and out, that are weighing us down. He knew this life was too much for us. He knew only too well how hard it is, how the mind tests us. How the Heart of man is a dark force. But he loved us anyway.

It is another wonderful day of sobriety. Given to me by a God that loves me. Protected by a Holy Sprit all powerful. I am truly blessed to be clean and sober with Jesus. I hope I can help someone else today. Give them the free gift that was given to me.

Saturday, November 15, 2008


The words from Philippians are, for me, a reminder that God knew well in advance we would be tested with many hardships. Addiction is the Nr. 1 tool of the Devil. From it appear all forms of sin, lies, dishonesty and evil. It not only destroy the addict or alcoholic, but tears down the hope and humanity of so many others.

It has been vitally important during my walk with Jesus to realize I also need my 12 step group - no matter how Holy or Spiritual I may feel. I have witnessed so many good-hearted Christians pray over addicts time and time again - asking for guidance and support in what to do. I have approached the same people moments later with a view to bringing them to a 12 Step meeting, only to be frowned upon. 'I'll stick with the church, AA, or NA are not for me'.

I have met pastors who are deeply suspicious of 12 steps groups because they read some off-the-wall book by some fundamentalist crusader looking for extra notches on his publishing deal. Or they have heard gossip or bad stories about 12 Step groups, which is all honesty are just lies. It is no doubt a fact that many people going to such groups are off-the-walls, misled or downright defiant at God, I mean, why else would they be going there? But there is something in those groups that keeps the addiction at bay, and many come to know Jesus through the 12 steps.

The reality is this and this alone.

I have met very few people along the way who have defeated addiction, over a long-term basis, without using the 12 steps in whatever addiction they have. I have met hundreds of Christians who have gone back to their addictions because of their refusal to work the 12 steps. Which side would you like to be on? Which side would you like the addict to be on?

On the flipside I have met many a 12 step worker who frowns upon Christianity, yet, without a shadow of a doubt, all the happiest people I know working a 12 step program are doing it through Jesus Christ. This is a great fact that I cannot ignore, because I am evidence of it.

In conclusion I would like to state from my own experience, that 12 Step groups are generally a group of people helping each other to get from one day to the next without using. Through the strength of Identification, the motive of self-preservation, and a deep desire not to act out, there comes a bond that fights the disease of addiction. It works - it really does.

Friday, November 14, 2008


I have been sober now for 13 Years, 5 Months, 9 days and 4 hours. For the first 7 years I worked the 12 Steps to the best of my ability, in fact, I worked them so well that it kept me away from drink, gambling and drugs. This was a huge victory for me, a huge, huge victory, not to be demeaned or underestimated.

But there was something missing in my life – a huge hole was developing in me that was not going away. It was the Holy Spirit void, the dark chasm of self will that was carrying me forward whilst taking me backwards into the oblivion and confusion of my own mind. Gladly, pain and suffering would soon change my point of view.

When I was 7 years sober I had already started to read the bible, go to church occasionally and accept Jesus as my saviour(Sort of). I knew he existed but I fought that reality with my pride. I was trudging from one day to the next, going to meetings and church but I was not in a good shape.

Both in the rooms of 12 Step groups and in the Churches we join ourselves to, it is very easy to avoid the calling of Jesus Christ. In fact, within any group, including your own house, one can get lost in the midst of the chaos, forgetting that a direct and close relationship with Jesus is the only important reality there is. I know that today, perhaps I knew it then, but I was not in a place where I could accept it – maybe I was not ready.

Then my Mother committed suicide, my businesses failed, there was my life literally falling into the devils playground. Panic attacks, nervousness and hopelessness was my lot. I was left with a horrifying experience that brought me to the edge of hell. One minute was like 4 days. I was suffering emotionally beyond what I could describe. I had contemplated and half attempted suicide a few times in my life, but if I were to go down that road this time, it would be complete.

Somehow days turned into weeks and weeks into a few months. I had been through weeks and months of nervousness, panic attacks, mental anguish and emotional pain – but I had not acted out on my addictions, something Satan himself was betting on.

In fact, through all of this, I didn’t even pick up a cigarette, which was the first action I would have expected from someone like me in such circumstances. I had never been to a place where I was COMPLETELY OUT OF ANSWERS. My Heart was broken, in recovery and in Christ. My hope was completely gone – and when I say completely I mean it.

I would work 18 hours a day, get into my car and drive to a forest, where, I would sit until the morning, crying and moaning, almost hoping a gang of thugs would drive by and shoot me in the head.

I was on a one-way ticket to an early grave, hoping it would arrive sooner rather than later. I was inches away from the great abyss when Jesus Christ whacked me across the face. I say WHACKED because it wasn’t gentleness or kindness I needed, but I wake-up-call.

I stood on a packed street corner, the rain already soaking into me. A voice came to my head ‘You need to go to this building and you need to go there today’. It was the voice of the Holy Spirit, a crystal clear tone I recognised instantaneously.

The building in question was actually a Christian Church I had accidentally? strolled into a few weeks previous, it was about 30 minutes walk away on a normal day. The funny thing is –there were floods in the city , the river had burst its banks, everyone was warned to get out and stay out and it was very dangerous to attempt to get there. This fact gave me even more reason to attempt to walk there because I had lost my fear of anything real. I knew I had to make it.

I walked(Waist Deep) across the city. The dirty water, the rain, the fear of life was doing its best to eat me up. But I made it across, down the street, up a hill, where the flood waters had failed to make it and I rang the door of the church. There was no one around except a few cars in the distance.

A gentle-faced lady answered the door, she welcomed me in, she apologised for there being no bible study(No one else made it through the Flood). She eventually managed to find me a large pair of trousers, and a dry t-shirt. Then she made ma cup of tea.

I sat in the building, as if I was waiting for Jesus himself to walk out of the room. Little did I realize he was walking right beside since the day I was born. I knew I had won my first battle with the Devil. He was certain I was going to die. He was wrong.